Being in the financial industry I am talking with clients and the branches I support all day about the economy and the stock market. Good times! One of my collegues sent this to me a couple days ago and I thought I would post it for all to enjoy! I hope you smile at at least one or two... Have a great Friday!
CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.
I was going to change this to Diet Coke or Root Beer but just didn't sound the same so please forgive me!
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
Things I Can't Ask You...
1 week ago
1 comment:
Except that since beer is more expensive than root beer, if you'd purchased $1000 worth of root beer, drank it all, and recycled the cans, you'd have had more cans, and thus MORE MONEY! It pays to be good after all!
These were funny!
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